How Parents of Children With Cleft Palates and Other Birth Defects Can Learn How to Cope and Celebrate Their Child

For so many men and women, new’s of a pregnancy is among the happiest — if not the happiest — news of their life. It’s a moment of sheer joy, excitement, nervous, perhaps even relief, and of course gratitude. However, all of these emotions can quickly disappear and be replaced by fear, frustration, concern, and perhaps even anger the moment a parent to be learns that their precious child will be born with a birth defect such as a cleft palate, which can lead to an early life filled with chronic, often painful health conditions such as sinus infections, laryngopharyngeal reflux, hypernasal speech treatments, breathing difficulties, and chronic ear problems.

According to the March of Dimes, roughly 150,000 babies are born with birth defects each year in the United States. There are a variety of different birth defects, with some being more severe or mild than others. Cleft palates and cleft lips are among some of the most common birth defects that children are born with and often occur together. It’s estimated that out of every 1,000 babies born in the United States, one to two will be born with cleft palates.

Knowing that your baby will be born with a cleft palate or realizing that your baby has a cleft palate after you’ve given birth can be devastating and gut wrenching. You may feel confused, hurt, and perhaps even angry without knowing exactly why or whom to be angry at. All of these emotions are expected, normal, and understandable, and you should not feel guilty, ashamed, or embarrassed for experiencing them or feeling this way. In fact, the first step in coping with the hard news that your child has a birth defect is to acknowledge your emotions regarding it. You may even want to consider seeing a counselor, therapist, or another mental health professional to help you cope with and navigate these tough emotions.

You may also want to consider seeking out a support group for parents of children that have birth defects. There are a variety of support groups, both online and in person, that allow parents to bond over this experience. Hearing from other parents that have gone through or are currently going this experience can help you to make sense of it all and empower you in a new way. A therapist, counselor, a hospital social worker, or even your baby’s pediatrician or ob-gyn may able to recommend and refer you to a support group.

The exact causes of birth defects such as cleft palates and lips are still widely unknown, however, doctors and researchers agree that both genetics and certain environmental factors may play a significant role in their development. While cleft lips can be caused by genetic contributions from one of both parents, they’ve also been linked to environmental triggers such as hazardous waste and pollution. In this case of the latter, exposure to these environmental triggers can activate the gene for the birth defect that would have otherwise remained dormant.

Although you may feel fearful and overwhelmed, one of the best ways to overcome these emotions is to learn as much as you can about your child’s birth defect as soon as possible. Don’t be afraid to schedule an appointment with the health care provider in order to ask them as much as you can about your child’s condition. You may even want to go to another specialist or doctor to get a second or third opinion. The more information, the better! This is where joining a support group can come in handy too, as you’ll be able to network with other parents of children with birth defects that can put you in touch with specialists who may be able to give you more information.

Dealing with a birth defect can feel very scary, so it’s important to take time out to celebrate your child. Remember that many birth defects are easily corrected with surgery and drug treatment, so the likelihood that child will live a normal, healthy life is actually quite high.